I feel that my life have been fucked over. Am I too kind? If not why so many people said so?? Maybe cos I have a principle; " Once talked, friends. If we get closer, good. "
If my friends are in need, as long as they tell me, if I can help I help, in terms of anything.
But will look for me even after I helped them? That make me wonder, a lot. I swear.
Not that I mind helping them, but as a friend, of course I don't want them to suffer. 所谓；能帮就帮嘛！
Whether anot they look for me after that I don't mind, just remain as friends will do. Is it difficult?
Yes maybe I'm difficult to get along, people said I'm fierce when they first met me. (?) Yes maybe I am but once I know you; I can be crazy with you.
I'm that type of person who cherish friendship. Be it from rpw or reality; and I mean it.
I often tell myself; " if they still want to be a part of your life; they will put in effort. " But up till now; I see no one tbh. Or maybe less than 10. Am I really such a useless person that even no one wanna be my friends?
Next ~~
I somehow hated my job. I lost my freedom to even go out and have fun. Like meet up with friends; I was often late or it was cancel because I couldn't wake up on time. I know it's my fault; and I couldn't just push the blame to my job. I have to be responsible.
I'm actually very sorry towards 2 of them. And I shall not mention any names; it's not like they are going to read this anyway.
To XXX;
I'm truly sorry that you have to wait for me for more than ah hr. I really didn't mean to. Yes I admit I drag and drag the time; but having to go hq before meeting you just make me very lazy. Hq is so far. And I somehow hate traveling by train during peak period. The crowd is terrible; very terrible. You can't even go in. Especially when you have to carry stuff you take back from hq. And I have a habit of not carrying anything in my hand. Even for my phone. But trust me; this is the last time you have to wait for me. I swear. It will be me waiting for you next time.
PS; I miss talking and laughing with you; can we meet up again this month? <3
To XXX;
I'm also sorry that we didn't get to meet up few days back. I've got so much thing to rant to you about and I believed you too. (?) Idk but I'm actually looking forward to meet you. I really do. But I didn't expect it to turn out this way. Thus; I'm sorry. :< Idky but everytime I meet you, after we rant; my mind feel so much lighter, lesser worries. Idek where can I found such a person like you again. Who faces the similar situation as me; who understand what am I trying to say. Idk if you feel the same but yeah this is how I feel when we meet up. I still remember us being a little awkward when we first met. And now, I miss laughing and ranting with you at every little thing. :< Idky but I feel like we drift. (?) Did we? Maybe? I still wanna be the person you trusted. I dare not approach you tbh, because I dare if I approach you, things will became worse and I don't want that to happen between us. I wanna know what goes wrong between us. If we are meant to be friends/bb, no matter what happen, we will still be. I won't give up on you. And I hope you won't give up and yourself. I freaking miss you. ;-; I wanna tell you I miss you but .... nevermind. Thru this post, I hope you know that you can always look for me if you needed help, I'll be there for you.
PS; I miss ranting about the same person that we both met at a different timing from rpw. I wanna meet you again. ;-;
I've been spending the past 45mins(?) to write this post, I guess; I should stop blogging for today.
With loves;
GERALS<3
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